Idzeeboo's Blog

What could be better... We all sit down to watch a scary movie (Monster House) on Halloween. The lights are down, trick-or-treaters are coming up occasionally to the front door for candy and all is well. Until my wife goes out on the front steps to greet some more trick-or-treaters and finds a large snake on the steps. YIKES!! I am absolutely petrified of snakes! Seriously, if I had a choice between say, I don't know, a vasectomy from a blind guy with Tourettes or a chance to come any where near a snake - I would take the vasectomy in a heartbeat.

Needless to say, I am no good when it comes to snakes. I will kill spiders, roaches, ants, armadillos, hell I'd rather take on a wild dog than go any where near a snake. So the neighborhood snake killer comes over and informs me that he thinks it is a copperhead. WHAT?!! Holy shit, those things are deadly. What the f***! Now it is crawling up the side of my house right near the door. I immediately lock the door (as if the snake might open it) and tell my wife she must go AROUND! I'm not opening that friggen door for anything!

My neighbor and his son-in-law break a tree branch from a nearby tree, smack the snake off the house and into the grass and then shoot it 5 times with a 9mm. Here's the good part, it was still moving! I run to the shed and get a trenching shovel, hand it off to the neighbor and watch from a safe distance as he chops it into pieces and bags it up.

Now I don't want to hear any whining, PETA supporting, snake loving loonies telling me how mean or unnecessary those actions were. I DON'T CARE! A snake is a snake, is a snake. I hate them all, I fear them all and I am not ashamed to admit it. Any snake on my property, especially one trying to get into my house, is a DEAD snake. I would treat a burglar no different. It is a safety issue. And of all nights... Halloween! The one night out of 365 nights where little kids from all over come to the front steps for candy.

Here is a picture of the little bastard just minutes before his death on all Hallows eve.

Now the twist: It turns out this is actually a harmless Florida Corn Snake.
I still don't care. Its dead and that's all that matters.

Nothing irritates me like a person who doesn't shut up during a TV show, movie, etc. I did NOT pay nine bucks to hear you give spoilers throughout a movie I've never seen. "Oh, watch this..." - "I love this part..." - "This is funny..." - "She dies later..." - SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!!!!!!